In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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