Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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