My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
