Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
