Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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