if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
