I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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