the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
