I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Come on in and take your pants off
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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