we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
