Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
