I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
