My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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