Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I will pee on everything he values.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
