I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
