oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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