dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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