I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
