Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
