You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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