Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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