The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
