Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
