:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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