I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
