sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
