she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
