So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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