We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
