dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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