OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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