a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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