This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
