i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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