fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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