there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
