somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
where does the pee come out of this thing
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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