Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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