Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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