how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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