i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
