I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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