You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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