my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
