just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
