Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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