woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
