I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I have fence marks all over my body
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
