We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
This is classic penis vs brain.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
