I want to stick my p in your. b.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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