I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
