So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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