You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
