She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
