I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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