I wanna passion pit in your ass
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
not ubering you a puppy
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
