This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
