end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize