I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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