and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I am naked and annoyed.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
