drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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