i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
