How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
