I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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