hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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