you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
