you guys were way drunker than both of me
You smell like stripper and shame
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
